My mother and I yet again were dragged out to a party with my aunt's meditation group put on in honor of their "enlightened" teacher, a blond old white lady with a hindi name she gave herself. This time it was an early Christmas party.

I spent most of it hiding out in the kitchen with my uncle, who was hiding out in a bottle of bourbon. Straight. I joked about wearing one of my tight red slutty hostess dresses, but of course I had the good sense not to. Unfortunately, a 60-year old bottle blond with a permanent food belly did not. She wore almost an identical dress!

And then! We had to sing CHRISTMAS CAROLS for some reason. Why the hell should I have to know all this christian stuff by osmosis, when it has nothing to do with me? But I confess, I was forced out of hiding, and I partook in the carol singing. I shared a carol book with this funny old guy, and he kept messing up the lyrics and it was hilarious. I laughed my ass off, and had a good time. I always get along with old guys.

So that wasn't my finest hour.

I think he should come visit me in Japan, which is where his parents were married after all.

And coming back to visit him and the hippie town I was born in is definitely on the top of my to do list. Just not quite yet.

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I think....I am done!!!!!!

commence fireworks!

I worked fucking hard on this, so I MUST get in somewhere. I WILL get in somewhere!

fireworks again

*:..｡o○☆ﾟ･:,｡*:..｡o○☆ﾟ･:,｡ﾟ･:,｡★ﾟ･:,｡ﾟ･:,｡☆☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ**☆*:;;;:*☆*:;;;:ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟ*:..｡o○☆ﾟ･:,｡*:..｡o○☆ﾟ･:,｡ﾟ･:,｡★ﾟ･:,｡ﾟ･:,｡☆☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ**☆*:;;;:*☆*:;;;:ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟ
*****

Wait, before I go, here's another good reality show. Celebrity Championship Wrestling. A bunch of celebrities (kind of sort of) learn how to pro wrestle. And you know what? They may be has-beens or never-wases, but they are entertainers. And when they get in the ring, they go for it.

Plus Hulk Hogan is just an old pro. The guy's in constant pain, walks like he's injured, and has a hangdog expression, but when he turns on the persona, it's 1985 again.

You're a jabrone, get out of my ring!!!!!

Hulk Hogan - Celebrity Championship Wrestling - Trailer

streaming episodes here.

Oh wait, I just realized that I already blogged about this before. Who cares, it's a good show.

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My uncle can't speak Japanese, even though he's been married to my aunt for almost 30 years. He's very handsome, but a little dumb. Imagine Keanu Reeves only older and whiter.

Last night at dinner, he started insisting that the skin of the fish is delicious if you toast it. He failed to convince my mother, my aunt, or me. Then my aunt said in Japanese that "that woman" had told him about the skin being delicious.

One day my aunt gets a phone call from "that woman's" husband. "Open your eyes and look at what's happening! My wife just got on her hands and knees and apologized for falling in love with your husband!"

Oh man, my uncle then got his ass seriously kicked. My aunt spelled it out to him. "Do you want to lose me, my sisters, your nieces and nephews?" To which he said, "I'll have nothing." Which is true, his parents are dead and his one brother is a constantly relapsing drug addict who shows up every few years asking for money.

Then "that woman" called him with her genius plan of them running away together. He told her, "what the fuck are you talking about? That was NEVER what I wanted." Which, for a gentle man of as little words as my uncle, was a big deal.

Ever since "that woman"-gate, my aunt has been constantly mean to my uncle, and my uncle has constantly been in the dog house. Things do get a little mean, especially when my aunt makes fun of him in Japanese with him in the room, and she's funny so it's hard not to laugh out loud.

To be fair, "that woman" still talks to him, and he still answers, so it is sort of his fault he's still in the dog house.

Personally, I think the whole situation is laughable because my uncle is such a clueless dunce and it's just funny to see him in the middle of all this drama. His looks are quite disproportionate to his intelligence, really.

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