37 posts tagged “dating”
Dancer and M-girl are arriving Wednesday morning.
My dad is kind of upset because he feels ashamed about the small apartment. This place isn't that bad, the neighborhood's safe, who cares. Dancer lives in a crappy place with her mother, and M-girl also lives in a crappy place with her sweet, lonely dad. They're not going to judge.
I told them that they'll have to take care of themselves for the first week until I finish my study classes. They can take the bus to Santa Monica, walk to Beverly Hills, get lost, take pictures, all that stuff. They'll be fine.
After seeing a guy twice, I hardly remember his name. I'm not calling up my friend on the other side of the world and talking her ear off about how I think I'm in LOVE. True LOVE. With a fetus! Does she not remember that first of all, she's almost 30. And she JUST got divorced out of a disaster of a marriage? To a scrappy Roppongi kid that she met in a club? Will she NEVER learn from her mistakes?
Dancer joked to M that I had found a blonde-blue-eyed man for her, and that we were going to lock her in a room with him. Which is just ridiculous and completely made up, I wish she wouldn't include me in these things. Of course M-girl protested, but was into it at the same time.
I'm excited to see these Tokyo ladies (man are they going to stand out in the LA sun). Just stay out of my hair for the first week!
Me: What time are you picking me up?
Rich: I get off work at 7, so maybe 7:30ish. What do you wanna eat?
Me: Are you paying?
Rich: That's subtle
Rich: Do I get a kiss?
Me: No
Rich: Then why am I paying?
Me: I was just asking
And what's wrong with just asking, people? I just want to know if I need to bring my wallet. I don't think I will after all.
I'm going out with Rich tomorrow. He finally got smart and asked me to something OTHER than to see him play in some dive. We're gonna go see Batman in IMAX. This is great for so many reasons. Not least because he won't be able to talk non-stop about himself if we're in a movie theater.
So I sent him a short email which said the following:
- your girlfriend sucks
- you don't suck, in fact you rule
- what's
happening with you and your girlfriend right now is not only abusive and crap, it's
also DANGEROUS. you don't want to get hurt, you don't want to hurt her,
you don't want to get her pregnant, you don't want to have to go to jail
or the hospital
- we all love you
- and we all understand that
you're ACTING stupid but YOU are not actually stupid, so we'll be here
waiting whenever you get over ACTING stupid
- and we hope its sooner rather than later
Since Baldy started seeing this girl, our good mutual friend got INTO and OUT of an abusive relationship! And he's still stuck! At least with our mutual friend it was a girl on girl love affair so there was no possibility of an "oops" baby. Plus that relationship's dead and buried.
I want to shake his pattern balding dumb head!
My dad just came back from another date again. This lady seemed nice. I think he met her through some jewish dating website, at least that's what my twin sister says. I think that's kind of sweet.
My dad can be really cute. I went into the kitchen yesterday and he had his laptop on the counter and he was watching a youtube clip of a lady making hummus. He then proceeded to make hummus, and it was actually really good.
If my baby had been born she'd be pretty big by now,
almost in elementary school.
I somehow made it over 13 weeks without knowing I was pregnant. I actually lost weight because food looked gross to me, and I was sooooo exhausted all the time. I remember being pleasantly surprised when I suddenly seemed to fill out the bikini top I had to wear, and then there was the time that my stomach seemed to be sticking out no matter what dress I wore. When I threw up for no reason for the third time, I realized that I had missed my last two or three periods and took a pregnancy test. It came out positive. I went to see a doctor. She showed me a picture of my healthy baby. The clinic was closing for New Year's, and after that I'd be over 15 weeks pregnant and an abortion would be basically un-affordable (at least for us). She said "think about what's best for the baby."
I wanted to keep it, but I knew I shouldn't. I didn't think my heart would break as much as it did.
I promised my baby that if I had to end its little life, I would live my life the way I should and make something of myself.
My boyfriend didn't seem to understand how painful it was. He said we could have another baby later. He didn't understand that it wouldn't be THIS one. I felt like this little one was clinging to my heart with its little hands and begging me to let it live. I hated my boyfriend. I thought he was heartless and cold.
But he came with me to the clinic. I was injected with something and I wasn't allowed to eat anything. Late at night I was taken to the surgery room and they took the little one out. The nurses had to drag me back to the room, where my boyfriend went pale and panicked at the sight of me weak and half conscious. He always worried about me. I ate some food then threw up in the garbage can. The nurse came in and got angry at me for throwing up. I asked if I could go home. She said I shouldn't, but I insisted. They gave me some pad-type things for the bleeding and me and my boyfriend took a taxi home through the freezing cold icy streets.
That was how I spent New Years.
We broke up a few months later.
Until I became pregnant, I didn't think it would ever happen. Now I wonder if I'll ever actually be a mother. If I'd ever allow myself to lose control enough and be vulnerable enough and trust a man enough to start a family. It doesn't seem very likely.
Dancer Girl's girlfriend M-Girl was performing today.
The words Sadist and Masochist have been adopted and distorted into the Japanese vernacular. They've been abbreviated to S and M, and it doesn't refer to a sexual fetish. It refers to whether you are passive or aggressive or enjoy being controlled or enjoy controlling.
M-Girl is just ridiculously M. If a man treats her badly she feels like she's been given a dozen roses.
Anyway, she had broken her toe so she was cut from almost everything, poor girl. She was amazing though, she looks so confident and on fire on stage. Too bad she's a disaster in real life. She's always doing things like injuring herself before big performances or auditions. The god of dancing doesn't protect our M-Girl.
So this marks her first real lay since her separation from her husband. And she wouldn't sleep with her husband after the first few months either so it's really been awhile. "I've got to be careful. Once I start having sex, things get out of control," she said. She better check herself!
The drive home from Shinjuku was so much fun. Drove through the Korean neighborhood I used to live in, passed Boxer's boxing gym, went down the big main street that Cookie used to gun down when she was dating that cheating English guy, past my ex-boyfriend's Akasaka apartment building, through Roppongi crossing and to my house. Jasmine and post-rain cement and a cool breeze were in the air.
A weird semen smell was also in the air. I think it's some tree, because I always smell it every year around this time. Cookie noticed it too. We'd smell it every few blocks, and I'd announce "semen!" and she'd go "yeah, I smell it too."
The Guardian of Hostesses heard my prayers last night, because work-wise it was a very relaxing night. We weren't busy at all, mama was pleasant, the few customers we did have were fine.
It was cool, but I didn't want everyone waking up to the sound of a weird kid shouting my name. I didn't really know what I was thinking, but I grabbed my keys and phone and ran downstairs.
Slugger wanted to see the club. He's never been in a hostess club before. I had the key, so I let him in, and he started poking around. "Wow, so this is what it's like in here."
He then messed my mind up irreparably by getting completely naked and walking around. It was just such a mindf***!
This is where all of us girls stress out, fight, laugh, hug, argue, shout, sometimes even cry. This is where we sit around in full makeup and dresses your mother wouldn't let you out of the house wearing. This is where we yawn when it's not busy and party it up like idiots when it is. This is where salarymen spill their guts, share their heartaches, drink too much, smoke too much, and force their desires onto their surroundings too much. This is where I leave myself behind and become an ever-more-professional hostess.
And now suddenly Slugger's in here walking around naked. Which just looks weird anyway. After a few moments of wandering he suddenly said "oh! I forgot to take off my socks." That made me laugh.
It was also making me laugh that he was in the club even though he has no money, he has no status, he doesn't have a frigid wife he's running from or an alcohol problem he's feeding or a lonely life he needs to fill with false hopes. He's not a customer. He's my friend, he's a man, and he knows the Real me. And it's totally freaking me out that he's in here.
My mind was further rearranged when we then did some things that I never thought I'd do within the walls of the club. I was just quietly freaking out, thinking thoughts like "this is where I sat with my leg around a customer while he made jokes about taking me home, and now Slugger's on top of me. Crazy"
Things are apparently still going well with his girlfriend. She's not working at the moment. She used to be a hostess, and she's saved up enough to live happily without a job for awhile. Lucky her.
How come it seems like every guy I see these days has a history of going out with hostesses?
I need a vacation so I can remember who I am again.
I live on this little island so I don't really know who she is, but this song is beautiful. I can't get it out of my head.
The video's cool too. Her hair, her makeup, that dress especially is gorgeous. I want it.
But I feel like they got the video all wrong. To me, this song isn't about loving someone that hurts you.
It's about someone's who's closed off her heart completely, but then she meets someone who's so wonderful and loving and she's loving back for the first time. But it's such an unfamiliar thing for her that it's painful, it's like she's bleeding. And bleeding is a real bitch because if you've cut too deep it won't stop and it starts spilling and staining things and you can't control it.
I am just so woefully behind on my day time work. It's ridiculous.
Neon (customer with throat cancer) wants me to go with him to the hospital tomorrow. He really actually wants me to hold his hand. I've decided that I'll go with him, because I do like him and I am worried. I'd better get at least an expensive watch out of this. I'll accept expensive jewelry too.
He hasn't even told his long suffering and neglected wife that he's sick. He spills his guts out to me and wants me to hold his hand while the doctor tests him for cancer, but he won't even talk to his own wife. He says he won't even sleep with her.
Well the joke's on him because she gets access to all his money, plus he's never home (morning, noon OR night) so she gets freedom too. She's absolutely refusing to divorce him.
The joke's probably on me too. WTF am I doing, going to the hospital with him when I have a million other things I could be doing. Sleeping is at the top of the list.
BTW, I'm not overreacting when I say his girlfriend is scary. She's older than us, and she's got a past. She was a kept-mistress to a famous yakuza dude! She's got a yakuza tattoo to show for it. Talk about playing with fire. You do not want to get on the wrong side of that. Who knows how she got out of that situation alive. Kept-mistress to a yakuza dude must be one of the more dangerous professions. The mortality rate must be very high.
Anyway, to be safe, I waited until tonight to respond, because I know he's working and nowhere near his girlfriend.
No response.
He's ignoring me. I'm really not into mind games. Especially from guys that aren't even customers or boyfriends.
But I keep checking my phone. I am a looooooser.
But after marriage, guys get really into money (making it, saving it, buying cool stuff with it) and the girls aren't getting enough sex -- at least from their husbands.
Then in the divorce, the guys freak out over losing their money.
That's just a pattern I see really often.
The customer who suddenly stopped coming in because he was undergoing tests for cancer sauntered into the club last night! His flashy taxi driver once said to him, "You love the neon lights of the night," so I'm naming him Neon.
He was staggering around looking pretty drunk already. I was so happy to see him, relieved that he looked okay, and then angry that he was obviously still living his life unhealthily despite his illness.
He said he has some tumor in his throat and he has to go in to the hospital next week. He's scared to go, and he doesn't want to go. "I have work, I'm busy."
He's kind of scared and for once in his selfish and decadent life, he's stopping to think about his life. I checked his lifeline (I always check all the customer's palms, plus I check their facial features, you can tell a lot about a person). It's not long, but it's not short either. It's also strong and deep right to the end, which means he won't die of a prolonged illness.
Actually, my lifeline's strong to the end too, but it's the shortest life line I've ever seen. I might die tomorrow!
One of Totoro's subordinate workers is a handsome, overly exciteable guy (relatively young, like 45). I think he's alright as far as customers go, but I can tell Dancer Girl really likes him. She gets all excited, neglects other customers, and starts using a cutesy voice and weird mannerisms (lots of annoying hand movements). She even told me that if he was 10 years younger, she'd go for him.
Even ten years ago he was married with kids, plus he's handsome and funny so he's gotta have a million girlfriends. He has to go out to hostess clubs for his job, and if she's into him, you can guarantee at least one girl in every other club he goes to is too. Even mama loves him and wouldn't mind taking him home to her crazy cat house.
I can't imagine EVER crossing that line with a customer. Not now, not after everything I've seen.
I decided that the next time I have a hot Japanese guy on my arm, I'm gonna act like I'm the shit. I'll drag Slugger out! No I won't, his scary girlfriend would kill me.
If there's a room full of foreign guys, I am really harsh and critical. If there's a room full of Japanese guys, Dancer's really harsh and critical. "Most Japanese guys are ugly, inside and out," she announced. To which I replied, "well so are most American guys, especially INSIDE Japan."
